


We Can Let You off with a Warning

by cuddlesome



Category: The LEGO Movie (2014), The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part (2019)
Genre: Crimes & Criminals, Denial of Feelings, Dramedy, Emotional Manipulation, Flirting, Glasses, Human Legos, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kissing, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Not Canon Compliant, Police, Touching, butchered Irish mannerisms mixed with American police lingo, excessive use of the word "darn"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 23:17:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlesome/pseuds/cuddlesome
Summary: The mission to arrest Rex Dangervest turns into something of a meet-cute instead. Unless they've met before, which Bad suspects they have. Good is too smitten to care much.





	We Can Let You off with a Warning

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me where this takes place in canon, because I have no idea. Pre-TLM2 by just a little, maybe?

The man’s crimes include, but are not limited to, the following: destruction of property, grand theft, and performing archaeological digs without a license.

 

Bad Cop had expected someone a little more hostile. Instead, Rex Dangervest is all smiles when he boards his ship.

 

Both cops are struck by how good-looking he is. Scruffy, for sure, but handsome. A gallant, laugh-lines-around-the-eyes sort of handsome. If it weren’t for his considerable muscular bulk and a glimmer of mischievousness in his smile, he might even appear benign.

 

Good is charmed, but Bad still doesn’t trust him. There’s something familiar about this character, but he can’t put his finger on what, exactly.

 

 _Keep sharp_ , Bad cautions Good mentally as they approach Rex, _something’s hinky._

 

 _I think you mean hunky,_ his other self responds.

 

_You’re a disgrace._

 

Good giggles. He’s developed an even cheekier side than usual. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism, a way to overplay just how darn chipper he’s meant to be despite Lord Business’ torture all those years ago. Maybe the war with the Systarians has been harder on them than either are willing to admit. Either way, Bad thinks that he’s not the only one with an attitude problem anymore.

 

Still beaming, Rex greets them, spreading his arms to indicate the ship as he announces, “Welcome to the Rexcelsior!”

 

Bad grimaces at his volume. He should start reading off his rights about now.

 

Instead he finds himself blurting what had been bothering him from the moment he caught sight of Rex—“Have we met?”

 

He raises his eyebrows. “Have we?”

 

Good chimes in that he also remembers him from somewhere.

 

“Huh. You’d think you’d remember someone this rad, but I guess I just have one of those faces.” Rex coughs into his fist but doesn’t quite manage to hide his smirk behind his hand in time. “Anyway, I imagine you came here for a reason. What can I do for you, officers?”

 

 _I like him,_ Good declares in the back of their mind, to which Bad bites off, _Yeah, well I don’t,_ if only to be contrary. In actuality, his feelings are mixed. Concerning.

 

Bad lists the extensive list of Rex’s crimes, interrupted by occasional reassurances from Good that some of them are pettier than others. Jaywalking and loitering really didn’t look that terrible compared to the other things he’d done, but even Good can’t give Rex a pass for littering.

 

“…and I imagine you don’t have a permit to keep a ship full of dinosaurs, either,” Bad says, eyeing the raptors skateboarding off to one side of the hangar.

 

Rex pats all of his pockets, then snaps his fingers. “Shoot, left it in my other vest.”

 

“No problem,” Good interjects. “We can let you off with a warning—”

 

Bad is back in a flash. “Hey, hey, we’re here to arrest him!”

 

“Oh, right.” Good nods. “Sorry.”

 

“And quit saying that so much.”

 

“Sor-ry!”

 

Rex chortles. “You seem a little at war with yourself.”

 

Bad rolls his eyes. “Never heard that one before.”

 

Suddenly Rex is close, too close, closer even than Lord Business got when he used to toss him around. Were it not for Good switching in at that very moment, Bad might have—he doesn’t know what he would have done.

 

“This is fine for me, but you really ought to respect his personal space, buddy,” Good chirps.

 

Rex snorts. Too close, too close, too close—any closer and Bad is going to pull out his piece, Good’s attraction to this perp be darned. That is to say, his gun, not some other piece—police terms, you know—

 

He’d like to think he’d threaten him, but his first instinct is to run.

 

At this proximity they are overwhelmed by his thick, masculine, cologne-choked scent. There’s an arrogant tilt to his head that says he knows exactly what sort of effect his presence has.

 

And then Rex plucks his glasses off of his face. Good blinks repeatedly, then squints in an attempt to make out the sight of the thief exhaling on the lenses and cleaning them off on his vest.

 

“Seems like the one thing you two can agree on is being into me, is that right?” Rex chuckles. “Can’t blame you, I’m pretty great.”

 

It’s hard to make out with impaired vision, everything is so darn blurry, but… is… is he flexing those massive arms of his? Unbelievable, Bad hasn’t seen such a blustery attempt at flirting since the academy and even then it hadn’t been directed at him.

 

Or maybe it’s a threat.

 

 _He’s all kinds of bad news. Let’s leg it._ Bad takes a half step backwards, only for Good to reclaim the distance.

 

_We can’t see two feet in front of us, much less pilot our ship._

 

Bad’s attached flip-up lenses are prescription, too. _Gosh darn it, you’re right and I hate it._

 

“Gonna take your silence as a yes. Tell you what,” Rex says, “you let me go, clear my name, and I’ll make it worth your while.”

 

Bad’s proverbial hackles rise at the suggestion and he yanks control back. “Neither of us go by Crooked Cop. We don’t take bribes from criminals.”

 

“Please, it’s not, like, a monetary thing.”

 

Rex replaces the glasses at last and Bad is able to see his chiseled features clearly again. With familiarity that’s far from warranted, Rex smooths a wrinkle from his jacket, touching the left side of his chest. Bad imagines that he has to feel his heart racing even with his badge in the way.

 

He clears his throat. “What are you proposing, then?”

 

Rex’s grin is wolfish as he reaches up to run his fingertips over Bad’s scarred cheek. “Dunno, but I think I’ve got a few ideas.”

 

 _We can book him after we’ve had some fun._ Good suggests this with a casual air, as if they’re discussing what sort of filling to put in a croissant.

 

 _When did you get to be so devious?_ Bad shudders as Rex traces his jawline and caresses the side of his neck.

 

_Maybe around the time you softened up some. So? What do you think?_

 

 _What do I think? What do I think? I think—_ his glasses only get in the way a little bit when he starts kissing the darn felon _—I hate you, but I think I hate myself more._

 

Good takes over, burying his hands in Rex’s hair and kissing him with a lot more vigor. His other side lets it happen.

 

All that poor Bad can think about as Rex laughs against their mouth is how he’s really bad at his job.


End file.
